Today I had the pleasure of going out and grabbing a coffee with my friend and nearly next door neighbor, Caroline. We talked about a bunch of things including delinquent AC repair men and baby sleep schedules (she is an amazing mom to four kids, most recently twin boys!). And one topic that we settled on for a bit was help; asking for help, declining help and all of the variations in between. Now don't get me wrong, help is great when you have a new baby or in Caroline's case two new babies but you also need to be able to find your own path as well. There needs to be a balance.
So it seemed rather fortuitous when I came across an blog piece on Coffee + Crumbs that was discussing precisely what we had been chatting about; "asking for help." For the most part I completely agree with the perspective of the article in that women in general forget to reach out and ask for help: "So many women are hiding in their house trying to hold it all together for fear of appearing weak or needy. They're not asking, even when they're desperate." But after talking to Caroline it seems that in order for that help to be fruitful and successful you also have to use the power of no, and have people respect you when you just need a little space or time.
I have the pleasure of meeting my new baby next Tuesday and many delightful women (and men) in my life have already reached out with offers of help and I know that I will be leaning on people in a different way than I have before. I am so grateful for our little neighborhood community and I hope that I too am able to foster a balance between the yes's and the no's.
The last bit of the article really hit home: "There's still a lot about motherhood I haven't figured out, but I do know this: we cannot do this alone. So start saying yes in the grocery store line. Start asking for a hand when yours are full [...] And please stop telling yourself you have it all together, because none of us do. Isn't that so freeing?"
So here is to helping each other and being respectful of each other and growing with each other as we navigate the trickiest, most fulfilling and crazy job on the planet; motherhood.
P.S. happy mother's day on Sunday
image via Farmgirl Flowers
